I have a piece at Thought Catalog today, which I wrote in response to the recent uproar over “pickup artist” and “seduction expert” Ken Hoinsky’s super rapey guide to getting women to sleep with you:
I am not a pickup artist. I am a woman. And I think Ken Hoinsky and his ilk are hucksters and hacks.
But I do have some advice for you on getting awesome with women.
Don’t follow the advice of pickup artists.
Seriously, don’t. Unless you like handing over your hard-earned money to hucksters who are profiting from your totally reasonable apprehension about interacting with the opposite sex. In which case, be my guest. What’s the worst that could happen? (You could rape someone. That’s the worst that could happen).
Make eye contact. Listen. Nod, smile, ask and answer questions. You know, like you would in a regular conversation with a fellow human.
Be yourself. If you’re shy and nerdy, be shy and nerdy. If you’re outgoing and brash, be outgoing and brash. Very few people naturally have the instinct to insult or belittle fellow humans (pickup artists euphemistically call this “negging,” but let’s call it what it actually is), so if that’s not who you are, do not do it. And if you are one of those few people for whom “being yourself” means “insulting and belittling fellow humans,” finding someone to have sex with should not be your top priority right now.
You can read the whole thing here.