Thought Catalog: 20 fictional men I would never sleep with

Thought Catalog: 20 fictional men I would never sleep with

I have a piece at Thought Catalog today called “20 Fictional Men I Would Never Sleep With.” It’s exactly what it sounds like:

Mr. Darcy. I don’t like guys who neg. “She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me”? Textbook negging. Mr. Darcy spends three-quarters of the book being rude, hypercritical, self-centered, and snobby. Obviously, people are not always what they seem, but as a general rule, if it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, it’s probably an asshole. And Mr. Darcy is.

Harry Potter. Never have sex with someone who calls himself The Chosen One. It’s not going to end well. Well, not for you, anyway.

Romeo. He’s 13.

Humbert Humbert. I’m not 13.

Edward Cullen. Quite apart from the fact that he’s a century-old stalker, Mr. I-watch-you-while-you-sleep-and-disable-the-brakes-in-your-car is terrible in bed. I don’t mean that he doesn’t know where the clitoris is or that his favorite position is the jackhammer. I mean that he is violent in bed and if you sleep with him, you black out and wake up bruised and scratched and pregnant with a fetus that gestates at super high speed and nearly kills you when you give birth.

You can read the whole thing here.


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